User blog:Ultraviolets/My First Year of College
…and why it sucked. Hi, guys! I needed to get this stuff off my chest, so I hope that’s okay! So, I started college this year (woohoo, go Maroons!) and it was…a ride to say the least. I went to my first college party, which ended in me having a panic attack, yikes! Within the first week, one of my roommates and I ended up having a huge fight that has lasted pretty much the entire year. I’d like to talk about that. So, it all started when my other roommate (yes, a triple freshmen year, damn yo) and I were being kicked out until 3 am every morning so my roommate (who will be referred to as “Nightmare Roommate” from now on) could have sex with this guy. At first, I didn’t mind because I was like: you go girl go ahead and get some dick! But then…..it got to the point she wanted him to sleep over. Now, some people don’t know this, but I’m extremely uncomfortable with guys sleeping in the room. Not because I myself have been assaulted, but because people I have trusted (men and women) to sleep in the room with me have assaulted my friends with me not even ten feet away. So I told her no. And that kickstarted a bunch of shit. She called me petty, controlling and immature because I wasn’t comfortable having a stranger sleep over in my room. This lasted for months, with me fighting with her every day and trying not to lay hands on her and my other roommate and I living in fear of what Nightmare Roommate was going to do to us. I kept my composure, I didn’t stoop down to her level, and I removed myself from the situation, as I decided once I came to college I wanted to be mature. When she finally moved out, it was bliss….until I found out she only moved four doors down from me. What followed was horrible. She turned the only two friends I had against me, induced four panic attacks on me, ripped everything off of my door, demolished our whiteboard, and sent my roommate into a panic attack that lasted four hours and ended with her knuckles being so bloody from trying to ground herself I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. I reported her to the dean of students, nothing was done. This still hasn’t ended. I’ve been living in a constant war with her since my third day of college. I’ve been harassed, bullied, and everything under that tree. It’s hell. My roommate dropped out of college, so I’ve been alone since Spring semester started. I was cut from the softball team for being “too out of shape”, which means they didn’t like that I had asthma and a broken toe that will never heal. This crushed me. I lost who I was for a long time. Every night I would just cry and cry until I had no tears left. I didn’t know who I was without softball, it’s like my whole world ended. Looking back though, this was probably for the best. I didn’t fit in with the girls on the team, so maybe this was God’s way of telling me that I didn’t need this. Plus, I’m coaching a 14u team now, and I love it! I thrive in coaching. I have one friend, and she’s amazing. She’s an anime fan, like me, and we agree on so much. She’s been there for me through everything with Nightmare Roommate. We have differences, yes, mostly concerning my preferences on K-pop and yaoi, which she adores. But, we get along perfectly. Anime Club considers us to be inseparable. She’s great, and I’m glad I found her. Do I wish I had more friends? Yes. Do I miss home? Absolutely. Was college everything I wanted it to be? No. I wanted so much more than what I did. Instead of having fun, my depression would lock me in my room for the weekends and make me cut off contact with the outside world. My depression hasn’t been this bad in months. Do I have some great days? Yeah. Most specifically when we went to the anime con and my friend and I spent hours fixing our wigs. I just wish I did more. My friends back home are LIVING at college, and I’m still stuck in a rut. If there’s anything I’d like you guys to see, it’s this. Ash and I are no longer friends. I thought I’d let you guys know, because it’s always been “Ashizzy”, but that’s not the case anymore. I’m not going to air out everything that happened between us, but some bad things went down. I think it was best for the both of us, we just didn’t fit well together anymore. I hope she’s doing great and thriving in whatever she’s doing. We just did not thrive together. This decision was the only way for things to work out for both of our lives. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I believe so. I recently declared my major, Interdisciplinary Studies K-6, which means I’m going to be an elementary school teacher! Being with kids is amazing, and I had the opportunity to put myself in a classroom this semester, and I loved all of it. I want to teach kids not only the basic things like math and English, but how to be a good person. I don’t wish for them to be angry at the world like I was in high school. Speaking of, I’d like to emphasize again how sorry I am about the way I acted in the months preceding my departure. To this day, I hold regrets about the things I said and the way I acted. Could I blame immature ignorance? Sure. But I won’t. Some of the things I did, I should’ve known better. I hope you guys can forgive me one day. I’ve really matured this year, with various things, and I want nothing more than to put old things in the past. I’d also like to talk to some of you one on one (namely CJ, Dani, & Rob), to apologize on a more personal basis, because I am truly sorry for the way I treated all of you. If you don’t want to, I completely understand. But if you do, I’d greatly appreciate it. Anyway, that’s really all I have. My freshmen year sucked, and I can without a doubt say this is probably one of the worst years of my life. But I believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Things will get better, I hope. If you guys read of this…thank you! I needed a place to vent, and I feel like this was a good place to do it. I hope you’re all doing great!!! Category:Blog posts